Death Changes Everything
by klcm
Summary: After getting shot Garcia technically died but in some twist of fate she took in a deep breath and lived... life carries on but now she's seeing and hearing things she wished she couldn't see or hear...
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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What is this? I'm there, and his there, and she's there and her, and him, and both of them but I'm there, but I'm here at the same time.

So this is what it feels like to be in two places at once? But am I? I mean I feel here, not there, I have no connection to the me there, just the me here. So logically I'm there, spiritually, is it spiritually? Hmm but I'm here. Am I dead?

Think straight Penelope... that is indeed you there, now look down. What the... no body? So I'm there, my motionless body is there, well and truly there, one hand in his, them close. Yet I'm here, looking at that, looking at me. Is it definitely me? Hang on, I have no body here, I'm what? A floating thing? A nonexistent being? A soul? Dead?

No you're not dead Penelope; those lines there signify life in you. You're not dead... yet.

I can feel his touch, its warm, it's comforting, it's there. I so want to feel that body there! Why can't I have it?

They're all talking, why can't I hear them? I want to know what they're saying, why can I speak French but not be able to lip read? This is pointless. Call out to them sounds a good idea, except I'm struggling to get a voice. If this is my soul then I'm completely dead against them, they're suppose to be the ultimate essence of a being, yet here's mine unable to speak! Is my ultimate being a mute? Nonsense!

What's happening now! Why are they all jumping out of their seats? Why is JJ crying? And Derek panicking? And where's Rossi gone? And why is Reid taking Emily and JJ out of the room? No don't do that! I can't watch this... ouch! These electric shocks had better be worth it.

Why do I feel so weak all of a sudden? And dizzy? And... whoa wait... I'm being pulled towards the bed and now I'm being pulled away.

Don't stop! Keep going! I want back in the me there! Don't leave! Oh this isn't good! They turned the monitors off. Derek don't cry, JJ? Emily? Reid? Boss men? Stop it!

Sleep... I want to sleep... got to stay awake by I want to fall asleep so bad... I'm going to sleep now.

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So what'd you think?

Want to see where I take this?

Lemme know!!!


	2. Mulling over it

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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Penelope drew in a sharp intake of breath, felt it hitch and gagged as her breathing got rapid. Her eyes remained closed as she drew in breath like she had been holding her breath for too long, she heard yelling around, it sounded as though she was under water though, difficult to hear and distorted to its sound. She felt a hand grip hers and will her to open her eyes. When she did, her chest still heaving up and down rapidly, she saw a face all too known to her and one she had seen before but was having difficulty pin pointing where exactly she had seen it before.

The next thing she realised a mask was placed over her face and an incessant bleeping started to ring around her drugged head. Soon her breathing recaptured its normal rhythmic self and a warmth of pain relief washed over her and the pains dulled. She heard the talk of multiple people around her but couldn't quite isolate where they were coming from and whom was talking. She just lay there, adjusting to what had happened.

When she opened her eyes again, the same well known face was there above her. He smiled at her and she felt calmer. He placed a spare hand in her hair and pushed some bangs of hair back. 'Baby girl... you're okay, you're in hospital.'

'What happened?' She asked, confused about what had led to her being in a hospital bed in immense pain. She saw everyone look at one another worried.

'Garcia, you were shot 2 days ago.'

She closed her eyes, swallowed and then spoke. 'The date.' She heard Derek sigh heavily, the date they had fought over, the date she thought was genuine, the date that ended with her being shot.

'You remember?' She nodded. 'It was the date, you told me about?' She nodded again, she felt the tears build but refused to open her eyes for fear it would act like releasing the flood gates.

'Garcia do you know who did this?'

'James Colby Baylor.' Was all she said, Hotch immediately took JJ, Emily and Ross with him, leaving Penelope with Derek and Reid. '2 days... are you sure?'

'Afraid so Garcia.' Reid said sitting opposite Derek, they looked at Penelope as her eyes darted around, her expression thoughtful, her eyes confused.

'Pen, everything okay?' She nodded and pushed herself to look at the corner of the room. 'Where you going mamma?'

'Nowhere.'

'It doesn't look like nowhere to me.' They watched her slip back down and raise a hand to her head in pure uncertainty. 'Pen... talk to us.'

'It's stupid.'

'Garcia... you were staring at the corner of the wall like you were looking for something, you can tell us.'

'My soul.' She thought and shook her head slightly. 'Did I die?'

'No... if you were dead you wouldn't be here right now, confusing us.' Derek said slightly worried about what she was withholding, not knowing to tell her that she was pronounced dead moments before the sharp intake of air occurred.

'It honestly doesn't matter.' They knew to leave it at that moment that it wasn't completely worked out in her head. 'Did I flat line at all?'

'Yeah...' Reid shifted uncomfortably. 'Just before you woke up, they pronounced you dead.' She bit her lip and nodded. 'Why don't you get some sleep Garcia... might help clear your head a bit?' Just like that Penelope fell back to sleep, her mind clocking over what had happened.

A couple of days later, Derek still stuck around at the hospital, he had come too close to losing Penelope from his life and he needed to sort some things out. One was his feelings, the other was what had her looking confusingly at the corner of the hospital room when she had been basically brought back to life.

He walked into the room and found her sitting up staying at the corner, an arm crossed across her, another up to her lip, her face contorted with thought. If it wasn't for that corner being stared at more times in a day than she drank or ate he would have kept it down to the fact that Baylor, or Battle was flagged in cases that warranted in her suspension. Although that was over, and they all knew she went behind the rules on work hours, she ultimately got an Unsub and closed a case, and so was no longer suspended but Derek knew it was playing on her mind.

He looked at the corner, it was a normal, nothing special about it but something had Penelope's attention for the most part of 4 days. He knew then he needed to do both those things he had in mind, so he closed the door and drew the seat up close, neither action diverted Penelope's attention.

'Baby girl?' He said as he put his hand on her arm. 'Come on P, you need to let me in now, you've had long enough with yourself. It's time to talk.'

'Can you just give me some more time please?' He nodded and respected her, finally taking her out of her train of thought. 'I will tell you first, but I just need to... I don't know.' She said frustrated.

'Okay, I'll leave it but I need to talk to you.' She looked at him ready. 'You know I love you right?'

She nodded and smiled at him. 'I love you too handsome.'

'How do you love me?'

'Derek...' She began, not knowing quite how to express undying love.

'Do you love me like a brother?'

'If you love me like a sister then yes.'

'What happens if I'm in love with you?' She smiled largely at him not realising until it was too later to hide it. 'What happens if I've loved you longer than you think and possibly longer than what I've thought?'

'Is any of that true?'

'All of it.' He said. 'I felt my heart stop when I got a voicemail and then when they pronounced you dead and I thought I was hearing things when you breathed, I felt a part of me break away that I never told you, that I never made you think that a man like me would cross a smoky bar for you goddess... I'm in love with you.'

'I'm in love with you too.' She watched him smile and they both knew it was a new step in a direction for them both and they both couldn't feel more right about it. Whilst Derek had gone to get lunch she had pulled a pad and pen from the drawer next to the bed and mindlessly started to scribbled down on it, when Derek had arrived back, still with the biggest smile on his face, he found he asleep with the pad and pen on her lap, still grasping the pen. He pulled both away and saw what was written, he took a while to notice what it was but saw it was a plan of the hospital room they were in, a perfect plan of how they all were whilst Penelope remained in a coma.

The bed, labelled me-P, he smiled thinking it was her initial, he read around, D, next to bed, J + Re + E at the end of the bed, H by the window and Ro by the bed opposite Derek. He looked at it more; there in the corner was a star, labelled me-s, the corner she kept staring at. He knew the P on the bed did not stand for Penelope now, he looked on the next page as he noticed writing shown through.

**Corner= me, Bed= me.**

**Corner me= no body, bed me= no feeling....soul?**

**No sense of hearing or speech (Corner Me)**

**Watched everything. JJ crying, Derek jumping up from his seat, Rossi leaving room, Reid taking JJ and Emily from the room.**

**Electric shocks = pulled me towards the bed.**

**Doctor stepped away = something pulling me away.**

**Then sudden tiredness.**

**Woke up in the bed me.**

Derek read it a couple of times, it was almost word perfect when Penelope had flat lined, he know found himself staring at the corner.

'Handsome?' Came a sleepy voice from his right, it made him alert and jump. 'Everything okay?'

He nodded and swallowed hard. 'Penelope, who told you most of this?' He said holding the pad up to show her, he saw her eyes not knowing where to settle. 'Look at me P, trust me, tell me.'

'No one told me.'

'Someone must have done.'

'No one told me.' She repeated and looked at the corner. 'I stood there.' She said her voice thick with confusion still. 'I don't know how, or what happened exactly but I was there in the corner and on the bed... I was looking at myself.'

'Is this what has had you staring?' She nodded her response. 'You could've told me.'

'Derek, handsome, I didn't even know what had happened, but I think I've had an out of body experience.' He didn't laugh at her; his eyes were just wide as he looked at her. 'I don't know what else it could be, but I was there, how else do you think I knew what everyone did?'

'I don't know.'

'It scared me.' She admitted. 'I so wanted to be in that body, and I could feel the sensation of you holding my hand but I wouldn't have know what it was had I not been looking in on it and then when everyone started to run about and cry and the doctor came in, all I could do was watch as my life dispersed and the next thing I know I'm breathing, looking up at the ceiling not at the bed.' She looked at him and saw pure shocked understanding. 'I don't know what to do about it.'

'Well do you feel different?'

'No I still feel like me, the only difference is the pain from bullets.'

'Then don't do anything until the time warrants it.' He squeezed her hand reassuringly. 'If anything comes out of this then we will deal with it together.'

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So what'd you think?


	3. Sixth Sense

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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Months passed and nothing had come of Penelope's out of body experience, her and Derek became stronger and confided even more with one another than ever. They had both picked up that Penelope answered doors and phone calls even before the first knock or ring. It was like sixth sense for her; she also, had things ready or well underway long before they were asked of her.

'You've done it again Garcia... I've only just been told to get a file on Lindsey Cartwright... what's the secret?'

'For once the oracle has no comment kiddo.' She said as she swung back to the computer and typed yet another name into the database. Reid stood mesmerized as she wrote things down but then twisted his face in bewilderment.

'Working for another team?'

'No, just Hotch and you guys.'

'But we don't need anything on a Ben Scott.' She looked at him clueless and he felt even more confused. 'Erm... uh... right... thanks for this Garcia.'

'Any day boy genius.' She listened to the door close and then removed her glasses, she brought her hands up to her temple and leant her elbows on the edge of the desk, she had so many voices in her head she could feel them pulsate into a large headache. They weren't voices off videos or voice clippings, they weren't the voices of the team or strangers she had passed throughout the day, they were all new voices, all different ascents, all different tones, all different yearnings. This was one thing she had kept from Derek for the last few days, she was confused enough and the thought of telling him she had voices in her head would make her a possible candidate for a bed in an asylum.

30 minutes later Derek swaggered down the corridor towards his favourite room in the entire building, technically he was suppose to request a name and background information off Penelope but he would have some enjoyment whilst asking. He tapped and pushed the door open; he saw her chair empty, her computers on and worried.

'I'm here handsome.' Said a voice from behind the door.

'Pen... what's a matter?' He asked as he pushed the door closed and approached her. She was lying on the couch in her office, her glasses on the floor, her arms over her eyes.

'It's nothing.'

'Penelope.' The use of her first name meant he wasn't going to let this go easily. She grabbed her glasses and looked up at him. 'What's wrong?' He pressed; positive he would get a response.

'I've got a killer headache that's all... the 3 files on my desk are yours.'

'3? Did we need 3?'

'I don't know... Claire Batley, Peter Doherty and Clive Harrison files...'

'I only need Claire Batley's one though.' He said as he forced her to sit up slightly so he could slip in and she could relax back onto him. When she did so he pushed some hair back and looked at her. 'You did this earlier... Reid had the information on Ben Scott the moment Hotch asked for it.'

'I just keep getting names come into my head so I look them up and do my job.'

'How long?'

'Well you know how long.'

'And the other thing that's bothering you?'

She sighed and sat up, twisted around and placed her head in her hands; she felt a hand run up her back. 'About 2 or 3 days.'

'Baby girl, I thought we said no secrets.'

'I know I know but, right okay, let's see, I've got voices in my head.'

'Voices?'

'And lately I've been seeing things, it feels like daydreams.'

'Seeing things? Why didn't you tell me?'

'Because I sound like a complete lunatic in my head right now, God knows what I sound like to you now.'

He leant forward and looked at her as she stared. 'I think this adds up with the fact that you're hand has been on the phone ready for that first immediate ring and the fact that you answer doors before the first knock, oh, and the fact you have searches done for us when we don't even know we need them yet.'

'What's happening to me?'

'I don't know princess but like I said back in the hospital, we will deal with it together.'

She smiled weakly. 'Go on take those files and get back before someone starts a missing persons report.'

'Why don't you go home?'

'I need to keep occupied...' She looked at him. 'Go on hot stuff.' He shifted forward pulled her into his embrace and kissed her temple.

'I love you.'

'I love you too.' She said as she watched him walk over to her desk, pick the files up and leave.

'You're precious you know that?'

'You're telling me...' She joked, he smiled at her and mouthed see you later and left, she got up and sat back at her desk, she needed to work so that was what she was going to do, voices or no voices.

They worked heavily for the following months, the voices and images didn't increase, they seem to come few and far between but she was glad to have Derek there all the way. She worked as usual, no one knew of her out of body experience except Derek and she was comfortable with that arrangement, so he was satisfied with it too.

'Someone get Garcia in on this.' Hotch said as he and JJ made their way to the conference room from his office. A new case was purely evident by the pile of files at JJ's side. Derek immediately stood and strode down to the blonde techs bunker. He heard her call him in and smiled; her sixth sense amused him still.

'We need you gorgeous.'

'Oh is that so?'

'Yeah... Hotch seems pretty bossy with this case.'

'Oh.'

'Come on before he has both our heads.' He smiled at her and they walked along laughing as usual, nothing bothering them at all. They walked in and took their seats and Hotch began the run down, the mass of it sinking in slowly, prominent key points being brought out, the making of a profile began.

'Right we have a case in New York, Garcia you are with us as there is surveillance footage that needs utilizing and stripped down.'

'Yes Sir.'

'We've been awaiting this call... five shootings in two weeks, all happen at midday and all victims killed with a .22 to the back of the head... no witnesses.'

Derek relaxed back in his car, a pen in his hand moving it thoughtfully. 'Could be mob hits?'

'None of the victims have ties to organized crimes or to each other.' Hotch said as JJ began to roll through the victims. 'The killers have not tried to make contact with the police but surveillance cameras have captured images of three of the murders, each one shown a shadowy, hooded figure.'

'So the killer MO is random?' Emily asked. 'Opportunitist.'

'It's Son of Sam all over again.' Commented Reid, which was awarded with a nod of the boss.

'Right wheel's up in one hour.' Hotch said and left the room shortly followed by Rossi and JJ.

'New York here we come.' Emily said as she got up and left the room. Soon Reid followed and Derek looked at Penelope.

'Everything okay?'

'Yeah, I just don't feel all that super right now.'

'Voices?' She nodded and then started to pile her stuff up. 'Getting worse?'

'At times, right now I can't shift them; they're just there, nonstop at the moment.' She felt Derek lingering, he didn't know, like her, what to do, so she smiled. 'Come on handsome, New York awaits us.'

'Come on then mamma.' He said, knowing that that was end of conversation for now.

Hours later found them in New York, checking into a hotel for the night, JJ and Emily were sharing, as were Derek and Penelope, their relationship was no secret to the others and nor should it be. They stood in the lobby as JJ passed the key cards down the row awaiting the elevator, Derek held his and Penelope's when it finally reached him from the 5 others in front and then headed up. Once on their floor everyone separated and headed to their own rooms.

Derek and Penelope were being playful and entertaining, knowing full well fun would have to wait after tonight. 'Do the honour baby girl.' He said passing the card to her, she smiled and accepted but not even seconds later she collapsed.


	4. Piecing it together

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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**Hotch... SUV... Prentiss ... SUV ... JJ ... SUV ... Rossi ... SUV ... Reid ... SUV ... Morgan ... SUV**

**EXPLOSION**

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'Penelope!' Derek said, making the rest of the team halt as they watched her collapse, Derek weakening her fall. Hotch and Rossi ran towards them, the girls in pure shock as Reid comforted them.

'Morgan let's get her inside.' Derek complied and picked the motionless Penelope. Rossi picked the card up and unlocked the door; he pushed in front and turned lights on guiding the way. While they were walking through to the bedroom Derek felt Penelope's body stiffen and that told him she was coming to.

'Why are you carrying me?' She asked confused and exhausted.

'You collapsed in the hall way princess... its okay we're just carrying you to the bed.'

'We're?'

'Me and Rossi, Garcia.' Hotch said as Derek put her on the bed and then sat down, Rossi went into the bathroom and bought out a glass of water. Soon everyone was gathered as Penelope sat on the edge of the bed, head in hands, Derek ready with the water. 'How you feeling now?'

'Fine.' She said with a strained voice and then looked at them all. 'You need to get to bed, don't worry about me.'

'How can we not Pen?' JJ said panicking still at what she saw.

'Please... do you really think Derek's just going to leave this?'

'She's right guys, come on we need to get some sleep.' Hotch said trying to disperse the attention on Penelope right at that moment. 'Get some sleep Penelope, you look exhausted.' They all said goodbye and Derek and Penelope waited for the door to be closed.

'How you feeling?'

'Confused?'

'How come?'

'I saw something and I don't know the outcome.'

'Saw something?' She nodded and he shifted towards her. 'Tell me, you know you can.'

'You all got into an SUV, on your own and then one exploded.' She said fighting back tears. 'I don't know who it was that died.'

'Baby you could be just exhausted.' She shook her head. 'Is this about the other day?'

'Except I only went dizzy when I touched JJ's jumper, that time was like daydream, that she's pregnant. This... this was scary, sickeningly scary.' She said as a tear finally fell, all with fear for what she had seen.

'Look we don't know that JJ's pregnant, nor do we know that an SUV is going to blow up.'

'Promise me you'll be careful.'

'I promise anything for you baby girl.' He said, pulling her close and comforting her whilst pushing a kiss to her temple. 'Go take a shower, clear your head bit, yeah?' Penelope nodded at him, when she is done, Derek gets a quick shower before climbing into bed, he pulls her close and helps her fall to sleep.

Hours later she shot up out of her sleep immediately panicking, tears began to stream down her face. She felt Derek wake up and sit up next to her, she then felt his hand up her back and she began to cry more. 'What's up baby girl?'

'It's Hotch.'

'In the SUV?' She nodded. 'We can warn him if you want, just give him the heads up.'

'But... he doesn't know about what happened, what if he doesn't believe us?'

'Why wouldn't Hotch believe you? You've never lied to him before.' After much deliberation the pair settled again, Derek continually holding her in his arms, only over 2 hours later they were woken by the alarm and knew this was where the hard work started and truths began. They got ready in silence and then headed down to the lobby. Everyone was there but Hotch and Rossi, 5 minutes later the men walked towards them and Penelope began to twist and fidget with nerves, Derek went to speak up when someone called JJ's name, they turned to see a man coming towards them.

'JJ what's this about?' Hotch asked.

'Hang on.' She approached him, stopping not far from the team. 'Will what are you doing here?'

'I needed to see you, you can't keep me away JJ, I love you.' Will said with some much passion JJ couldn't help but smile coyly and pushed some hair behind her ear before looking back at the team. 'Haven't you told them?' She shook her head. 'Tell them.'

She turned to them and walked back to them, Will following in quick suit. 'Erm... I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but... ahem... I'm pregnant.' Everyone smiled, Penelope just left and walked back towards the elevator, she got in the open one and headed up stairs. 'What's that about?' JJ asked confused at her friends behaviour, she knew telling them would be hard but not to gain a response like that, she expected shock but for one of them to just leave without a work, confused her.

'Hotch I might need you in on this one.' Derek said and then both the men headed for the stairs. They made it up and walked into Derek and Penelope's room and found her sitting on the bed crying. 'Pen?' Derek asked as he walked in and sat next to her on the bed.

'I was right.'

'Baby girl... just because that was right doesn't mean the other things will be.' She shook her head with disapproval. 'Look now's the time to tell Hotch.'

She shot up and looked at the stoic boss as he stood at the door way. 'What's wrong Penelope?' He said as he saw the battle she was having with herself. 'You can trust me.'

'I know I can but it's crazy.' She looked at Derek for help.

'Go on you can do this.' He urged her and took her hand in his.

Hotch pulled a chair up and sat opposite them. 'I'm all ears Penelope.' He said and with understanding and he saw her drag in a deep breath, shaky to its sound, thick with tears.

'You know when I was shot?' He nodded as he remembered the day she was pronounced dead, the day that they had all almost lost her. 'And after I kept staring at the corner in the hospital room?' He nodded again. 'Well just before I flat lined, I was standing in that corner watching everything, now I know that sounds crazy but me and Derek researched it and it's called an out of body experience and suppose combined with a near death experience.' He looked at her declaration, shocked at the revelations. 'I was pulled from that corner when I technically died, I felt the shocks, the CPR, everything, then when the doctor left I got pulled away and the next thing I know I'm staring at the ceiling feeling like I had been holding my breath.'

'Right... so what does this have to do with JJ?'

'Hotch you need to hear all this to understand.' Derek said quickly, hoping Penelope didn't lose her courage that she was showing right at that moment.

'Okay, carry on Penelope.'

'Nothing came of what happened but soon Derek picked up on the fact that I would have my hand on the phone just before it started ringing, or that I would answer doors before some knocked...'

'And the researches you had done for us before we even knew we needed them?' Hotch interrupted.

'Yup... those too. I started to hear voices about 3 months ago, just persistent speaking and then images... and the other day I touched JJ's jumper that she had left at ours and I kind of, I don't know, fazed out and when Derek got my attention I had told him that JJ was pregnant.'

'And now she is, it makes you feel strange?'

'I don't know what's happening to me, I don't like it.'

'There's more.' Derek added, this conversation was not over just yet, so he squeezed her hand and smiled at her when she turned to look at him.

'When I collapsed last night, I saw you all getting into your SUV's at different places and one blew up and I didn't know who it was but then I dreamt that it was you and someone from the New York office... and now if JJ's pregnant then that's going to happen and I don't want you to get hurt.' She sobbed.

'Why didn't you tell me this before?'

'Because I sound crazy!'

'No you don't Penelope... it's logical, how about we keep it between us three... for now, okay?'

'Okay.'

'But you see anything else; you tell Derek and me immediately.' She nodded. 'Now you okay work or do you want the day off?'

'Let me work... I'm confused about one thing; Emily was at the hospital when she got back into her SUV.'

'Well let's see if this pans out but for now I think we have some congratulating to do.' He stood and waited for Derek and Penelope to stand up. 'Thank you for telling me Penelope, I hope you can share things with me more often.'

'How about being the person that gives me away?' She smiled for the first time that morning and saw Hotch immediately smile his response before leading his way downstairs to regroup and get started on work.

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**A.N:** Okay so I've combined season 3 with the likes of a few people... so let's hope this goes down well :P


	5. Putting myself there

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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The next hiccup came when they arrived at the New York field office, they were introduced to Kate Joyner, a high powered witch was the initial response and it seemed to be the words going around the office from other officers and agents. Penelope couldn't help but stare at her; Derek soon pieced it together that she was the other person Hotch was with when the SUV went off.

They were all settled after getting over the meetings, Penelope left and set to work with Officer Lisa Bartleby, immediately after introductions Penelope got to work occupying herself with everything other than her black out and dream. Her and Lisa fell into an easy routine, working around one another. They were talking about life and its entireties, when Penelope decided to introduce the BAU.

'If you look now I'll show you a super fox.' She clicks some buttons and surveillance footage appears. 'Lisa meet Derek Morgan, Derek Morgan meet Lisa.'

'He is a super fox.'

'My super fox.' Penelope quipped happily and Lisa looked at her shocked. 'Best friends 8 years, together 1 year.'

'Wow you pulled a good one.'

'You're telling me, his helped me so much in my life.'

'Sounds like a man to have around.'

'Oh he is.' Penelope said and then the requests began to file in and the searching got to work. Minutes ticked into hours and the pair were still at work, it was late and Penelope needed some more human contact so headed off to the hotel. She got into the awaiting SUV and headed off, only moments later news came of an explosion and Lisa called her back. She got back and immediately called Hotch; getting no answer she called Derek.

'Yeah baby girl... don't panic okay.' He said immediately. 'I'm on my way to Hotch now.'

'It is him then?'

'Yeah it is, apparently they're not that hurt, few scratches, and Emily's at the hospital because Cooper got shot earlier.' He heard her sigh as everything came to life. 'Baby girl, I'll get to you when I can but I need to get to Hotch.'

'Keep me updated.' She responded automatically, not expecting him to go to her, she was safe after all.

'I will, promise me you keep your chin up.'

'I promise handsome.'

'Good girl, love you.'

'I love you too.' She took the ear piece off, took a couple of breaths before calling up the surveillance of Hotch's position. They watched the explosion blow both agents backwards and found the person behind of it, Penelope did her job, she stayed focused and rang Derek, she gave over the description of the unsub and Derek then went in for the chase, only for the boy to kill himself on the underground tracks. They were now at the hospital as Hotch and Joyner got sorted out, they just made it due to a group of secret service agents but flashing credentials awarded them entrance.

Penelope sat at the ready; Hotch had just warned that the profile was wrong; she sat thinking of other magnitudes of disasters she might be subjected to, possibly for the rest of her life. She stood up and walked to her bag, talking to Lisa to keep her mind off the events of the evening, she began to rummage and saw a weird glimmer out of the silver metal; she pulled the thing out but immediately collapsed.

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**Ambulance FDNY 108... Derek... bomb... minutes... seconds... you know what you are to me Pen?**

**EXPLOSION**

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When she opened her eyes she saw Lisa and pushed a hand to her head, her head spinning, the urge to cry very close to the exterior. Penelope began to sit up hastily but felt a hand push her to slow down.

'Not too fast.' Lisa warned. 'Have you drunk enough today? Eaten?'

'Yeah... I'm fine, I know what it.'

'You care to share?'

'It's okay, it's nothing serious, I just need a drink.' She looked at her hand and saw a key ring, one she had never seen before, a picture of Derek kissing her temple how she loved, her smiling happily. She smiled as she looked at it, a small note attached_. More memories like this I hope._ She read and felt a warmth flush over her.

'Here drink this.'

'Thanks.' She said taking the drink from Lisa and smiling at her, the moments from her black out stuck on repeat, she couldn't lose Derek now, or ever. She then stood up and put the ear piece back to much protest from Lisa, she needed to do this. She rang Derek's number.

'Yeah baby girl? Everything okay?' Came Derek's strained voice came.

'Please please please tell me you aren't near an ambulance with the number 108 on the back?' He heard the tears she was holding back.

'You blacked out again, didn't you?'

'If I hadn't found the key ring I hoped I wouldn't have, just don't mess that promise up!'

'I won't, I promised forever the day I gave you that ring and it will be a promise I fulfil.'

'You're near it aren't you?'

'Afraid so baby girl.'

'Why is it always you? Why do you always have to be so willing to put yourself in the way of danger?' She said, knowing he had to do it but was living with the fear of losing him.

'I don't know sugar but I'm here, I can save everyone, the team and get us all back to you.'

'Let me help.' She said without a thought beforehand. 'If you're willing to help them, let me help you.' She heard him thinking of an excuse for her not to. 'Look! I cannot sit back and know that you are driving a bomb clad ambulance around New York and not help.'

'Baby, I don't want you in that position.'

'I'm putting myself there!' She spat out angrily knowing she would be the one to help him the most at that moment in time. 'Just don't die!' She said, praying that this wouldn't be the last of hearing his voice, she didn't want to remember it strained and under pressure.

'I won't, like I said forever.' He said as he opened the driver door slowly, she heard him pulling thing apart and could tell he was in the process of hotwiring the ambulance as they spoke. 'I will be home tonight.' He said adamant. 'Back to you.'

'I'll hold you to that.' She said as she set things up, she told him the plan of blocking all cell services for a couple of minutes, she waited for him to have the engine started before guiding him around New York to a clearing, she knew that everything going on in her life she had to be strong to keep her head in the game, to keep her job. She had to believe that just because she hadn't seen the outcome didn't mean he would die, she had to hold hope she could help him make it in time. She guided him before he started to talk at her fully.

'There's something I really want you to know, baby girl.'

'Save it, just get out!'

'No, no, no, I'm not quite there yet...'

'Derek...'

'Just listen to me...'

'Derek please...'

'You know what you are to me Pen?'

She went to answer but was cut off by the sound of the explosion, she had been trying to ignore Lisa's countdown the whole time but when the noise rang threw she sat in complete shock.

'Derek!' She near enough screamed, she waited for his voice to fill her ears. 'Derek?' She asked softer this time, pleading he would answer, the tears falling down her face, hot and grief filled tears, the only thought being was that she had lost the one man that had loved her whole heartedly and she had helped him die.

'Baby girl?' I'll tell you what you are to me. You're my God-given solace. Woman you promised me one thing... whatever happens, don't you ever stop talking to me.' Derek's voice rushed though, pained but eager to tell her.

'I can't right now 'cause I'm mad at you.' She said, not hiding the fact she was crying.

'I can wait.' He said down the phone, knowing she thought she had just contributed to his death. He knew she was mad at herself for losing it like she had and he knew she was mad at him for putting his life on the line. He, also, knew that she was struggling with black outs, even if there had only been two, it was one too many for her and on both someone she held close had been close to death.


	6. Long time waited

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

----------------------------------------------------

Day's rolled into weeks which in turn rolled into month's and the New York fiasco was behind them, it had taken only Derek to take Penelope in his arms and hold her tight for the madness to disperse. He apologised over and over again, that he didn't mean to cause her so much pain and that he promised to make it up to her for a lifetime. Hotch had told him about the New York job position as Kate Joyner resigned after nearly dying due to the job and he turned it down immediately, if Penelope couldn't follow he wouldn't go and he didn't want to take her from her life in Quantico, on top of that he wanted to build a life, and a family there.

Penelope let her guard slip when no more black outs occurred or dreams haunted her of the prominent future. Everyone had questioned her when she was less than eager to take things off them. Hotch and Derek had started to take things to her but soon stopped when she hated the mollycoddling behaviour. Hotch had stepped up the game when she had basically saved his life and he approached the SUV cautiously as it went off. Without knowing that he could've been badly hurt or even worse, dead, so could Agent Joyner.

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Colorado ... no gun ... no FBI ... social services ... Raid ... hostages ... Emily ... beating ... Reid ... EXPLOSION**

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Penelope woke up and shot straight out of bed, she had been caught off guard by months of nothing and now here was another premonition ending in an explosion and fire. She left the room, not taking in if she had woken Derek or not, she just left, went downstairs and paced the front room, hands on her head, in complete darkness. Her thoughts doing overtime this time round, Reid and Emily were in this, Emily was going to be beaten, Reid, she didn't know about. She continued to pace for what seemed an eternity to her but meet minutes for Derek.

'Baby girl?' Derek asked as he turned lights on and went down the stairs; he found Penelope still pacing, tears on her face, her body shaking slightly. He approached her, hands on her shoulders to make her stop and then looked at her. 'Tell me what you saw.'

'Reid and Emily.' She sobbed. 'We need to ring them!'

'Okay baby sit, I'll ring them but you need to try and calm down.' Penelope complied and sat with her hands on her head, she looked at the clock, they had to be up in 23 minutes that meant she could see Emily and Reid. Derek pottered about in the kitchen and came out. 'Right I can't get hold of them so I'm going to try Hotch.'

'Okay.'

Moments later Derek put the phone down and sat next to her. 'Emily and Reid are off to Colorado baby girl.' He saw the tears fall. 'What did you see you?'

'Colorado, they left their guns behind, they were introduced as Child interview experts helping social services, and they refused to mention FBI.' She her wiped face hastily and breathed in. 'Something's going to go wrong, Emily and Reid were being held hostage in this church looking building, there's rows of people and then Emily... Emily's going to get beaten, and the place is going to explode and...' She sobbed harder. 'And I don't know if they get out.'

He put his arm around her and pulled her close, allowing her to sob into his chest. 'Come on baby girl, let's get Hotch here, let him know and we can go from there.'

'I'm gonna go for a shower.' She said instantly, it was the only thing she knew to do in order to compose herself the best she could.

'Okay baby.' He kissed her and watched her leave the room and head for the stairs despondently. He sighed, he knew something was going to have to happen sooner or later but he was scared what else the future held for them all.

When she got out of the shower her mind wandered back to New York, hoping that giving a heads up would help save their lives like it had done beforehand. When she got down Hotch was there already, he smiled reassuringly at Penelope.

'We're going to go Colorado, we will get this sorted.' She nodded her head. 'We're just waiting to hear what's happening then we are headed off.' He approached her to give her the comfort she was seeking while Derek was sorting Clooney. 'You need to stay here, is that okay?'

'Yeah, you need to get them out.'

'Yeah and we need you to be able to lend a hand.'

'And you know I will.'

'I know, you did good in New York, we know you can do it.'

'I need to tell the others don't I?'

'Penelope it's entirely up to you, I don't mind standing up and vouching for it.'

'Or me.' Derek's voice came from the back door. 'They're our family I'm sure they won't mind and I'm sure they'll understand.' She nodded and that told them her mind was made up.

'After this though... let's just get those two members of the family back.'

Penelope got to work, she felt like she was on auto pilot, she just walked in, straight to her office, sat and set to work, she did searches on the leader of cult leaders and sent them off, she got as much satellite visual as she could, she got as many feeds as she could cope with and sat the waiting game, she had done her part for now.

She was filing away paperwork when she saw one with Emily's writing on, she took a deep breath and the next thing she was aware of she was waking up on the floor. She jumped up and grabbed her phone.

'Morgan?'

'Derek it's me.' She said rushed. 'I just did it again, Emily, she's doing it on purpose!'

'On purpose?'

'In my vision she said 'I can take it', she wouldn't be saying that unless...'

'Our plan just worked...'

'Plan?'

'We just sent in food for them, with listening devices and a plan for Reid to see.'

'Reid! You know about him... is he okay?'

'His unhurt... Emily's in a room nearby, we don't know about her.'

'She's going to say to you 'I can take it.'

She heard Derek talk to Hotch about it. 'Right we have everything set up. Baby girl get home, try and sleep that's an order from both me and Hotch.'

'You are not getting me out of this office.'

'Goddess...'

'Sorry I'm not leaving until I know they're safe.'

'Will you take a break at least?'

'Fine.'

'Thank you.' He said and paused, several minutes later he came back. 'Right there's a commotion happening we're going to get on to this, we know where Emily is so I'll ring you in a bit.'

'Okay, be safe.'

'You know I always am now baby girl... I love you.'

'I love you too.' She said and took the ear piece off, running a hand over her head and sighed loudly. She sat back and waited. Nothing about the virtual world enticing her tonight, she just sat clock watching, she just couldn't sleep at that moment so she stared up at the clock, watching every second tick by into minutes, watching those minutes roll round into hours, she soon fell asleep unwillingly.

She woke up to the shrill of her phone going off on the desk she was now asleep on and looked at the caller ID, she didn't know what to think when she saw Hotch's name on the screen.

'Hello.' She asked groggily, running a hand over her face.

'You okay Penelope?'

'Yeah fine.' She said and heard Derek in the background. 'Tell loudo hotto , I'm perfectly fine, I just fell asleep.' She listened and laughed slightly. 'So what's happened?'

'Emily is on her way to get checked out as we speak, she said she was the only FBI to save Reid, we got in just in time and got most of the people out, Reid and Derek were on their way out as Cyrus' latest wife blew the place up because we had to take a shot at him. They're both fine, not a scratch on either of them... thank you again Penelope for the heads up.'

'Hardly a heads up Sir.'

'Penelope, how many times do I need to tell you?'

'Sorry Hotch.'

'You get home, we're going to be heading back once Emily gets the all clear, Derek's just trying to shove her into an ambulance now.'

She laughed tiredly. 'I'm going, tell her I will delete a bit of her existence if she doesn't get in it.' She listened to him shout out and the team laugh. 'And tomorrow, we tell them.'

'Whatever you want Penelope.'


	7. All out

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

----------------------------------------------------

She had been sitting at her desk twiddling a pen for an hour, one gunshot wound, two scars, and a lifetime of dread. Well not entirely she corrected her thoughts, she had Derek and that didn't make her dread life, that made her safe. She looked at the time and stood, pulled her dress down and left her office, really she shouldn't be in; she had the same amount as most of the team bar Emily and Reid, who obviously had longer.

She sat at Derek's desk and watched the telly as it played through multiple news overage; lost in her own thought, exhaustion and general lack of interest she didn't see them all come in, nor did she see them all stop and watch her or Derek approached her more.

'Hey baby girl.' Derek said as he approached her. She turned and smiled but immediately worried at the state of Emily.

'I'm fine!' She said reassuringly flinging her arms up in harsh movement before regretting to do it.

'I know sugar but I worry.'

'I know and I love you for it.' Penelope smiled at her and then looked at Hotch and then Derek.

'Guys conference room, we need to discuss something.'

'We?' They all retorted at Hotch.

'Penelope, Derek and myself.' Penelope shot him an appreciative smile that he had placed himself in the situation with her. They all headed up and looked at Penelope as she stood centred by the two towering men.

She breathed in and felt Derek squeeze her hand. 'I've been lying to you guys since I was shot.'

'Penelope, hang on, it's hardly lying.'

'Baby girl it's nowhere near lying... she's been harbouring something.'

'Okay... Penelope, you know you can tell us.'

'I know I can but this... this is different.'

'Well just tell us.'

'Right, I'm going to say this and explain later...' She saw them nod. 'I knew the SUV was going to blow up and I knew it was Hotch that would get caught up in it, I knew Derek was going to get in that ambulance in New York and I knew that you two were going to get kidnapped, and I knew Emily would say 'I can take it'.'

'She also knew that you were pregnant JJ.' Everyone looked at them shocked.

'Talk... please.' She said as no one spoke, she began to panic, and the tears began to build as no one seemed to believe her.

'Penelope is telling the truth, she save mine and Agent Joyner's life in New York.'

'But how?'

'I've been getting dreams.'

'And black outs when she touches things.'

'When I collapsed at the hotel in New York I saw the SUV blowing up, I didn't know who was in it but I knew it was one of you.... a couple of days before that I touched JJ's sweater ready to take it to work but the next thing I know I'm all dizzy, Derek's helping me and I'm seeing that you're pregnant.'

'Which is why you ran when I said?' Penelope nodded. 'Oh Pen.'

'That's why I tend not to hold things of yours or pick things up because it may or may not cause me to black out.'

'How did this occur?'

Derek quickly left the room and ran back in. 'By this.' He handed over the map of the hospital room and the little plan of what happened to Penelope when she technically died. 'I found this on Penelope's lap when she was in hospital, I read it over while she slept and it clearly details what we did before she flat lined and after she was pronounced... dead.'

'Who told you?'

'No one... I saw it... from the corner of the room.'

'That's what you were staring at!' Reid said as it pieced together.

'Yup. Me and Derek looked it up, I had a near death experience with an out of body experience.'

'Really?'

'Apparently so... and since I've been able to be ready at the door, have my hand on the phone and have the searches done for you... it seems to be coming from that.'

'Sigmund Freud once said that a religious experience like near deaths or out of body were a result of one's psychological need in a hostile world... Richard Dawkins also argued the urge for psychological needs.'

'Reid... sweetie trust me, no one wants to go through that for no psychological needs. They just aren't worth it.' Penelope reassured. 'I don't care if you don't believe, I'm not sure I believe it entirely but something happened and I haven't been the same since.'

'Well you know you have us for support.'

'Yeah Penelope.'

'Definitely.'

'Whenever.'

'Thank you...' She breathed out. 'That was easier.'

'That was unexpected.' JJ said rubbing her bulging stomach. 'I thought it was that you two were getting hitched or Pen you were pregnant.'

'Oh there is the getting married part.' Derek said smiling; he turned to her and got on one knee, pulling a box from his pocket. 'Penelope Garcia, my baby girl, will you marry me?'

'Oh God yes!'

He slid the ring on her finger and stood up. 'Now that was easier than what I thought!' He said wrapping his arms around her and whilst hugging her, he kissed her, everyone smiling at what they had just witnessed.

'That makes things seem better after a bad case.'


	8. Had enough

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

----------------------------------------------------

**The barrel of a gun looks different from this angle, looks more powerful, a lot more evil. Penelope thought until her eyes blurred on the gun and focused on the person on the floor.**

**Derek! Open your eyes! She pleaded, he was cut, not badly but he was cut and not listening to her. Then she realised she wasn't holding the gun, nor was she actually there, she had the same floating sensation she had when she was in the hospital. She saw Derek's credentials in a gloved hand and heavy breathing that was blocked by something, when she looked it was a hooded figure with a minimalistic mask on. She screamed, not wanting this to wind out wrong.**

'**Wake up Derek, it's time to die.' The voice uttered and readied the gun.**

Penelope shot awake, tears falling, sweat gathering, breathing in a fast pace. She fumbled around for her phone, panicking as she couldn't find it, her thoughts on Derek. When she found it she hit one on her speed dial and paced. When she got no reply her panic escalated, she tried again and after the 6th time she went second best.

'Hotch.'

'Hotch... please where's Derek?' She said frantic, her tears blocking up with the fast gathering tears.

'Penelope, his on a search of a house.'

'Who's with him?'

'Erm, a couple of cops.'

'None of you?'

'No, why?'

'The Unsub, he's there, Derek... he's going to shoot Derek!'

'Okay Penelope you need to calm down, keep trying his mobile, we'll keep trying on the radio... we will get him.' They disconnected their call and she dialled his number, again no reply, so she continued to try until the line connected yet no one answered.

'Derek... you there?' She asked.

'Derek cannot come to the phone at the moment.'

'Who is this?!' She pleaded to know the answer, to know that Derek was okay and not shot. She heard a familiar noise, the heavy blocked off breathing. 'You!' She said and the line disconnected. She panicked more and redialled the number back after 7 minutes the line was answered.

'Baby girl.' He said and he heard her cry down the phone to him. 'Oh sweet... ness...' He said as a shad of glass was pulled from his back. 'Pen talk to me.'

'I'm so sorry.'

'For what?'

'I saw it.' He sighed. 'I was next to him while he held you credentials.'

'I'm okay baby girl... we'll get my credentials back and I'll be fine.' He told her to calm her and heard her suck in a breath to compose herself before continuing.

'He answered your phone.'

'He?'

'The Unsub... he told me you couldn't get to the phone and the breathing... it was the same as the one from the dream and... and...' She stopped herself.

'What is it?'

'He said 'wake up Derek.'

'Baby... I'll be home as soon as I can but you need to hang tight, can you do that for me?'

'Yeah.' She whispered and ended the call and cried, she couldn't handle these anymore. They weren't premonitions or heads up, they were the live feed like someone watching CCTV surveillance, she was living it as it happened, if he got shot she could've been there and been so helpless, so she made a decision, she wasn't going to sleep until they got home and she could see them. She was scared to close her eyes, and she didn't want to contend with the nightmares of realities in her dream like state. As she worked she shook her head voices sounded in her head, ones of Derek, of Hotch, of the Unsub, of past cases, and one name, Foyet.

It took another 3 days for the team to get home and at the end of it the unsub was one George Foyet, her lack of sleep hadn't helped her in the slightest, she should have taken that name and ran a check, cross matched it with the case seeing as it was the loudest name in her head. She sat in her office, her fingers massaging her temples, she didn't realise the door had opened and several people had entered, she was lost in her tiredness, in her migraine.

'Pen?' Derek called out and she jumped and looked at them, grabbing her glasses along the way.

'When did you get back?'

'About 20 minutes ago but you didn't come down so we came to you.' Emily said trying to smile but couldn't as she watched the play of emotions on Penelope's face.

'Baby girl, when did you last get some sleep?'

'I don't need sleep.' She batted away their worries.

'Again when did you last sleep?'

'3 days ago.'

'3 days!' Hotch said mad. 'Penelope, what the hell were you thinking?'

'I've had enough.' Was all she said as she turned away from them, so they didn't see her halt her tears.

'Had enough?' Reid asked confused as his mind picked up on everything that had happened since Penelope was shot by Battle.

'I've had enough of closing my eyes and seeing one of you in danger... it's not a heads up for anyone if I'm watching it as it happens!'

'Derek get her home, and make her sleep this isn't doing her any good.' Hotch told Derek as he stood shocked among the others had Penelope's mood swing. 'We'll follow later.' Derek got all of his and Penelope's things together and took her home. He was yet to take her in his arms and as they drove in eerie silence he yearned to grab her and comfort her, when they arrived at their place he took her hand and lead her inside, once in, the door closed and locked for now, he dropped the bags and pulled her close and she cried into his chest. He stood for what felt like hours as she just sobbed, the evidence of exhaustion, emotional overload, fears, worries, and love all pouring out ever more.

'Baby girl?' He said and ran a hand over her back. 'I need you to look at me?'

She complied and looked at him. 'I'm sorry.' She said as she felt pangs of guilt fill her from her outburst.

'Don't be... I'm here... look at me, hug me, punch me, whatever you want to do so that you know I am here, not in hospital or worse, but back with you.' She just cried and took his embrace again. 'I told you I was coming back.'

'I thought I was going to lose you, I really did.' She sobbed. 'You weren't awake and at first I was so focused on the gun I didn't realise it was you under it.'

'Aw baby, come here.' He hugged her tighter. He knew she was having mountainous gaps between dreams and back outs but when they came they seemed to hit her harder than the ones that were close together. They seemed to take more out of her than any of them realised.

'Finally got her to sleep then?' Hotch said as he walked into the room, he had a key so he was in and out all the time. He watched Derek lay Penelope's sleeping body down completely, finding a pillow and blanket to cover her.

'It took a while... there's something else bothering her but I refuse to push her.'

'You're a good husband.'

'I try... I love her, I worry when I'm away and I knew me getting hurt would kill her slowly but I think she's getting there.' Derek said as he took a beer out of the fridge for him and Hotch. 'Where are the others?'

'JJ's headed home to see Henry. Emily, Reid are going to get showered and Rossi I don't quite know, probably to get freshened up, maybe go church.' Derek nodded and took a sip of his drink. The men stood in the kitchen talking about the happenings that had occurred.

'God damn remote... where's the remote!' Penelope shouted in a panic.

'Pen... what's up?'

'I need the remote... I can't find it.'

'Baby turn it on at the telly.' He said putting his beer down and turning the telly on. 'See.'

'We need the news on.'

'Penelope what did you see?' Hotch asked knowing she would've been still asleep had she not dreamt something, she looked up at him wide eyed. 'Talk.'

'Foyet... he got out.'

Derek and Hotch shot looks at one another before Hotch looked for the remote and Derek used the telly keys to find a news channel, Derek stood back and wrapped his arms around Penelope and watched the coverage roll out. She was right, prisoner George Foyet had escaped from prison, he was now loose.


	9. Future can wait

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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'Answer, God damn it!' Penelope said frantically, she was literally burning a hole in the floor of her office. 'Please.' She said as the dialling tone still rang out, then voicemail came on, for the 9th time she pushed the red button and ended the call. 'I don't need voicemail! I need my husband! God damn it!' She pushed the number for Derek on speed dial and started up the beaten track of pacing. She slumped down on the couch in her sofa and started to cry, not sobs, not crocodile tears, just tears that needed comforting, ones that would go once she shared as the tone continued to ring out.

'One more time.' She said as she spoke to herself once again and voila, he answered.

'Baby girl! What's wrong?' Derek said worriedly obvious to the mountainous missed calls his phone had evidently shown.

'Are you near?'

'Yeah just pulling up into the bureau now... what's wrong P?' He asked he heard her voice thick with tears.

'We need to talk.'

'Talk? About what?' He said slightly worried not knowing what the topic would be.

'Not on the phone Derek.'

'Okay sweetness, I'm going to take the stairs once we're parked and I'll be right with you.'

'Okay.' The line went dead and she slumped backwards, a feeling of anxiety feeling her every bodily cell and organism. She had her eyes closed, her head tipped back on the back of the sofa, she snapped her eyes open and jumped up as Reid appeared in her momentary relaxation, he was in the back of an ambulance, talking oddly, sweating, looking ill. This was not the time for flashes but she knew what she had to give the heads up, so she grabbed her things and left the room only to smack into Derek.

'Whoa baby girl... where's the fire?'

'I need to see Reid.'

'What? Why?' She looked at him, and then down the corridor. 'Is this what you wanted to talk about?'

'No... that is between us, but Reid, I saw him in an ambulance and I don't know why.'

'In the ambulance? You saw something?'

She nodded and inhaled loudly. 'Not as the paramedic Derek.'

'Hold on... Pen what else is bothering you?'

She looked down and then up at him. 'I'm pregnant.' He smiled and wrapped her up in a hug.

'Baby! That's amazing.' She shrugged in his arms. 'What's up?'

'I'm scared to bring a child into a world where I am like I am.'

'We can do this P... and we will...' He said adamant and grabbed her hand. 'Come on no tears, I can tell you've been crying.' He said and led her towards the bull pen. 'Let's tell the team.... both... yeah?'

'Heads up Reid first... for once this isn't a living... is it?'

'No the kid was in the SUV next to JJ throwing off facts about the chances of household accidents.'

'Sounds...hmmm... rather safe.'

'That it wasn't.' He said and made her laugh. 'See... smile... baby you're pregnant!' She relaxed and lost the tension as they walked into the bull pen, Penelope took a seat on Derek's desk, while Derek sat opposite her on his chair.

'You look tired.'

'Pregnancy.'

'Love that word.'

'You have to.' She joked. 'I got a scan set up just waiting on it being finalised, but I'm going to guess just before Foyet...'

'Baby that was almost 3 months ago.' She nodded and he smiled. 'My mom is going to be proud.'

'Why's that then?' Hotch asked as he watched the moment between the married couple.

'She's pregnant.' JJ said tiredly and winked, the pair remained silent and everyone completely halted.

'Can we talk to you in the conference room?' Derek said quietly. 'Pen... you know...'

Everyone nodded and couldn't help but worry about what she had seen, who she had seen and what was about to unravel. They dropped off their go bags in their respective places and headed to the room that held more than briefings of cases now days.

'Sorry kid... but it's you.' Derek said to Reid.

'And for once it's not an 'I'm living it with you', we can avoid it sweetie.'

'Okay so what did you see?'

Penelope took a deep breath as Derek grabbed her hand. 'You were in an ambulance, your speech went weird, and you were sweating badly... that's all I saw.' Reid stood shocked before he felt Penelope take him in a hug. 'You aren't going anywhere sweetie... mine and Derek's baby and Henry need their Uncle Spencer.' She said smiling and he nodded.

'Well then... if you're pregnant... what's happening with the baby?'

'It's growing...' Penelope quipped evoking laughter. 'Not much it can do at the moment.' She said and smiled at him teasingly and he smiled slightly. 'I've got a scan in the next day or so but I'm thinking before the whole Foyet case.'

'3 months!' Emily gasped loudly as she thought back to the case and Derek knew something was up with Penelope, but she probably didn't know but he had picked up something was wrong with her as she had a mini break down on them all.

'Yes, maybe.'

'How though?'

'Well you know cases have been none stop... so I haven't had time to take into account myself let alone a smaller person inside of me.' She felt her phone ring in her pocket and answered it before putting the phone. 'Well handsome... can I steal you?'

'Go... boss' orders.'

'Why? Who was it?'

'Doctor... supposed to have a scan tomorrow apparently but an opening just became available.' She said like it was no big deal when inside she was overexcited.

'Well what are you waiting for baby girl?!'

'Well his names Derek Morgan.'

'Just go you two!'

'Ours after! Dinner!'

'Got it... just send a text to Hotch.' They watched Derek and Penelope leave before heading out to write reports, ring in with family and for Reid to contemplate what lay ahead. That evening they all headed for the Morgan's all not knowing whether or not to be on needles or acting like a coiled spring. They guessed the coiled spring effect was needed as the door opened and Penelope smiled largely at them.

'That a good sign?'

'Maybe.' She said all knowing. 'Derek's out the back.' She let Emily, Rossi and Hotch in and watched as JJ and Will, she smiled as Will took Henry from the child seat. She let them in and closed the door, moments later to be called back and let in Reid and shockingly with Austin.

'When did you get here?'

'She was waiting for me when I got home.' Reid beamed.

'Well.. that's got to be a surprise.'

'I was hoping to be.' Austin replied.

'Aw well Reid is easily surprised.... eh sweetie?' Reid just blushed. 'Go on through... the boys are playing with the big flames.' They complied and Penelope found all the men outside, while the women spoke in the kitchen.

'So...'

'Hang on.' Penelope said winding it out. 'Handsome!'

'Yeah...'

'Get here.' Derek ran in and smiled at Penelope. They waited for the men to all come into the kitchen.

'Well...' Was all Derek said as he pulled the small scan photo from his pocket and slid it on the counted.

'That finalises it!'

'How far gone?'

'3 months.'

'Due?' JJ asked intrigued.

'September 22nd.'

'I think this is cause for celebration.' Hotch said but didn't miss the anxiety that was still playing on Reid's face about what Penelope had seen earlier that day. Although the moment Reid caught sight of the next addition to their family he released his worries and couldn't help but allow the happiness to consume him. The future would have to wait.


	10. Shoulda Woulda Coulda

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

----------------------------------------------------

'Why is my office the holding ground of most agents of the team?'

'Because you have working air con P.'

'Ahh... so our marriage is about my air con.' She teased as she worked. 'Knew it was a one way thing.'

'Hey! Mamma! It's not like that at all.' He teased and approached her. 'Just the air con's one of the added benefits.'

She turned around laughing. 'Does work not beckon you lot?'

'Not when there's air con!' JJ said lapping the cool air circulating her. 'Heat is an environmental factor of aggression... increased levels of heat mean angry co workers... do you want that for you and tadpole?'

'Me and tadpole will be just fine.' Penelope quipped back rubbing her stomach. 'Did you know overcrowding is another environmental factor of aggression?'

'Okay we get it!'

'I want to know when you two blondie's took Reid's place as the know it all's.'

'We've always been two know it all's but we just held back.' JJ joked as she stood. 'Brace yourself Prentiss and Morgan, this could get sweaty.'

'Can I just have 5 more minutes to just cool down.'

'Fair enough... you did come in after us.'

'Yeah Morgan's been in here the longest.'

'Which one?' Penelope quizzed. 'These two Morgan's here have been in this lovely cool room since about 8:30 this morning.' She teased as she sat in her chair nursing her stomach again.

'Don't rub it in!' JJ said leaving the room.

'Visit soon!' She called out and smiled as Morgan got down on his knees.

'I'll see you later baby girl...' He places a hand on her stomach. 'And daddy will see you later tad pole.' He said to her stomach and smiled as the baby kicked.

'Tadpole knows his or hers dad when he or she hears him.' Penelope smiled forgetting Emily was in the room watching on in awe at how soft Derek had actually gotten. 'Now get back.' She said running a hand over her head, he got up and kissed her before leaving slowly.

'What have you done to Derek Morgan?'

'What do you mean?'

'He's a big softie now!'

'Pregnancy.' Was all she said and resumed work. 'Not intentional, it's just happened over time...'

'Secret sharing, loving him unconditionally, no boundaries... I think that's why he is like he is now...' Emily commented and then heaved herself off the couch. 'It's a nice sight.... but you look after my niece or nephew yeah?'

'Still baking as we speak.' Penelope said happily as Emily smiled at her and left the room. In the course of an hour and Penelope was welcomed with the presence of everyone on the team including the boss', she knew it was because they had shoddy on the verge of breaking air con whereas she had state of the art ones for the purpose of good working order computers. She walked into the bull pen at lunch and noticed only JJ and Hotch were the only ones in the conference room, she went in and saw JJ was in evident turmoil over something.

'What's happened?' She said panicked.

'We were just going to call you.' He saw her begin to panic. 'It's a case, not Derek or the others.'

'Okay so what is it?'

'There's been anthrax outbreaks.'

'Where?'

'In Maryland... Prentiss and the guys have gone to check it out, it's too dangerous for us all to be out.' Penelope nodded. 'All precautions have been taken, we'll get them back.'

'What do you need me to do?'

'Look up any scientists, doctors, health officials, anything like that, that would have the involvement of anthrax, when they did it, where and if you why?' Penelope just nodded and headed out of the conference room to find the information for them. She put the telly on in her office so she could keep an eye on the media coverage but was soon aware as to JJ's dissociative behaviour when she saw that 12 people had been in infected in a park near where they usually take Henry, then there seemed to be a major blackout of media outlets, no word was being leaked and it proved damaging from both the personal and professional sides of the situation. She found the files, she sent them on, she could only wait, but the urge to know more was overwhelming.

She walked into conference room a plot up her sleeve, an idea, a ploy, this was Reid's future and she knew it. 'Sir?' She said slightly hesitantly.

'Did you find anything else Penelope?'

'No... but erm... Hotch, the symptoms of anthrax exposure, are well... they are sweating, breathing difficulties, many others but also... 'She swallowed hard. 'Damage to speech configuration.' Hotch and JJ looked at her shocked. 'Reid's going to be infected.'

'Penelope...'

'Hotch give me something of Reid's let me do this, let me see if I can see anything.'

Hotch shook his head. 'The baby.'

'You call the others; let me borrow JJ, and some things of Reid's... I'll sit...' He saw she wasn't going to give up easily and nodded. JJ grabbed some of Reid's things and followed Penelope.

'Pen are you sure?' She asked uneasily about this, she had never seen Penelope put herself in the way of a black out, this was the second time she had seen her 'collapse' since New York.

'I'm not falling, I'm sitting.' Penelope said and put her hand out. 'Go for it!' JJ passed over one of Reid's favourite books, but they both frowned when nothing happened. The next was a file, but nothing occurred, his mug nothing. The door started to open hastily as JJ passed Penelope a group photo, and the frame fell to the floor and the glass broke.

'Pen!'

'JJ, leave her, she knew this would happen.' Hotch said uneasy. 'It was Reid.' JJ turned round stunned. 'Him and Morgan were at one of the houses Penelope found.' He then bent down and picked the broken glass and frame up, before going back and trying to coax Penelope awake, he didn't have to wait long.

'I was too late wasn't I?' Hotch nodded grimly. 'Oh God!'

'Penelope, the doctor is with him, is helping him... it was an accident, there was a smashed vial of anthrax and the air con on, he locked himself in when he knew it was too late, he save Morgan's life...told him to get back to you.'

'Please tell me he stayed?'

'Derek, knew you wouldn't want Reid alone right now.' Penelope nodded and her office phone started to ring. 'Right do you're thing, but I know that doing that to yourself wears you out... and you've just chucked yourself into one after one hasn't happened in a while.'

'I know but I thought it was helping.'

'Well it did... and now we know and now we wait and now you need to get the phone.' She got up and sat down and picked the phone up while Hotch and JJ left the room.

'Hello?'

'What no sarcasm today? I'm disappointed.' Reid's voice trailed through the phone a little shaky.

'Sorry sweetie but I can't when I know you're where you are.'

'I'm getting back, I have a new niece or nephew to meet in 2 months, do you seriously think I'm skipping out on that?'

'Well, not but...'

'Garcia... can you record something for me for just in case?'

'Of course sweetie...' She clicked some buttons, and readied everything. 'Okay... ready?'

'Yeah.'

'Go.'

'Mom- I'd just like to say I love you, you made me proud to be your son, to know you were my mom. I'm sorry I never got to see you more and that we never spoke more but just remember I will always love you.' He paused; Penelope was silent, her eyes welling up. 'Garcia, that's done, can I do a second one?'

'Sure... ready?'

'Yeah.' He repeated again.

'Okay go for it.'

'Hey... I'm your Uncle Spencer, if you're listening to this it means we never met but I knew I loved you from the moment we all found out your mommy was expecting... you are so lucky to be brought up in this family, your mom and dad are the best and have taught me lots over the years and whatever they say are more intelligent than they let on...' He stopped and Penelope heard voices in the background. 'Garcia I have to go.'

'Okay kiddo.' She said wiping away tears from her eyes, she put the phone down and saved the files away for him before she burst into tears in the solitude of her office.

No more than 20 minutes later her door opened and she turned to see Derek, she burst into tears. 'Oh baby girl.'

'Please tell me he'll get to meet our baby.'

'I can't tell you that P, but he is on his way to the hospital, we know he'll get the right help, we won't lose him.'

'We can't.' He said pulled her up and hugging her properly. 'I didn't help him, I could've helped me, prevented this.'

Pen! This is not your fault; he didn't want you to be in the situation where his life was in your hands all the time!'

'But...'

'No Pen... none of us want you feel like our life is your responsibility because it isn't, we don't want you to live scared, if you see things then you do, if not even better then the future remains a secret.' He took her hand. 'Reid cracked it, let's go and sit with the others.' She let him let her out of her office and up to the conference room where everyone bar Reid were gathered, they couldn't do much at the hospital due to isolation so they banded together. Hours later they got a call to tell them he was improving and Derek took it as a cue to head off to and keep them all posted, JJ headed off home to finally get the comfort she had been yearning for, to feel Henry in her arms and out of harm's way, Emily stuck with Penelope, as did Rossi and Hotch.

It wasn't until earlier the next morning when they were all woken up by the ringing of the Morgan's house phone that they found out Reid was awake, that he would walk out of the hospital and that he would get to continue to be the God father of Henry and the Uncle he wanted to be for the new baby. As the happiness rebuilt, Penelope could feel it was going to short lived, it always was.


	11. Glint

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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_**BANG... RED**_

_**-----------------**_

Minimalistic yet heart racing was the first thing that entered Penelope's mind as she shot awake, one simple noise caused so much red, so much pain, so much damaged, she had no idea who, where, when, all she knew was that someone was going to get shot. She climbed out of the bed, unaware that Derek was already stirring.

'Pen?' She remained unresponsive, pacing back and forth, back and forth. 'Pen... talk to me baby.' He said and walked to her. He put his hand on her widening child bearing waist, halting her mid pace, she looked at him wide eyed, scared, terrified, petrified. 'Talk to me.'

'Someone's going to get shot.' She said with so much defiance, her dreams were now psychological repercussions, they were telling's of the upcoming future. 'All I saw was the glint on the barrel, heard the bang and saw red, loads of red.' She continued knowing she no longer had to wait for the prompt; Derek wanted to know straight away.

'Baby you need to calm down, we can't go on much but you need to rest.' He said trying to coerce her back into their bed. It had been over a month since the Reid incident and with Penelope's pregnancy looming its end anxieties rose, and excitement built but Penelope knew she was going to be plagued with her friends, her family's fates for a lifetime and that scared her about being a mom. However much she wanted to hold her child she was scared of what her 'power' might bring her if she was picking up after the baby, if she'd see something happening to the baby.

He finally got her back into the bed and looked at her. 'Want me to ring them? See if they're okay?' She nodded. 'Okay... you just sleep.' He stood and took his phone before dialling out Hotch's number, five phone calls later he crawled into his side of the bed and wrapped his arms around her.

'Are they okay?' She whispered sleepily.

'Yeah... all were asleep bar Hotch, he's just got in.' She nodded and felt his hand run over her stomach. 'Now sleep precious.' He said kissing her head and inhaling her scent.

Not long after Penelope woke up, a noise jolted her lightly from her weak slumber, she felt the baby doing an assortment of movements and decided she needed a walk even if it was around their house, up and down stairs, back and forth in one of the rooms, she needed to pace. She headed out on to the landing and walked down the stairs, followed closely by Clooney, her furry protector, the one that tried hard to match up to Derek but failed immensely.

'Come to keep me company I see boy.' She mused in a whispered voice, the dog licked her hand in his agreement and she smiled. She walked into the kitchen and poured herself a drink and turned happy for her baggy sleep wear making it easier for her to move about. Her thoughts poured out in monumental lapses. 36 weeks, full term pregnancy was only 3 weeks away and she didn't really know how to feel. She went to the sink and got herself more water; she heard movement and cursed herself for waking Derek up again.

'Go back to bed handsome.' She said turning around, she froze and dropped her glass on the floor. Clooney immediately started to bark madly. Penelope stood staring at the eyes in front of her, then the glint of a barrel of a gun, her eyes filled with fear, with knowing.

'Pen?' Derek's voice came from the stairs. She heard the gun go off; she saw the glee in the masked beings face. Derek ran as fast as he could and grabbed his gun, he ran back, fear filling him as he turned to come down the stairs he was met with the masked face of Foyet. 'You bastard!' Derek spat out, still hearing Clooney barking and no Penelope his panic rose.

'I got Agent Hotchner, now I came to put that bullet where it well and truly needs to go.' He raised a gun but Derek showed no fear and shot off 3 pops from his gun, he watched Foyet drop and ran down the stairs before taking the gun of the escaped Unsub, he checked for a pulse, nothing, he then checked for other guns and then ran to Penelope. He found her laying on the kitchen floor, her chest just under her arm pulsating blood onto the oversized shirt of his she was wearing.

'Pen!' He shouted and ran to her, one hand going to the wound, the other to the phone on the wall, he rang 911 and got an operator, he spoke hastily as he watched his wife swim in and out of consciousness. When he was finished he rang Emily.

'Hello?' Her voice said groggily.

'Em... Foyet... get to Hotch!' He said in disorientation at the situation.

'Derek! What's happened?' Emily shot awake, frightened by the scared sound of Derek's voice.

'Foyet... his shot Pen, he said he got Hotch, you gotta get there.'

'I'm on it... I'll get Rossi to come to you, I'll ring JJ and Reid as well... just help Pen!' She said and put the phone down, she didn't want to believe Penelope was dead so didn't ask, this was Penelope she wouldn't die.

'The baby?' Penelope moaned in a panic.

'The bullet hasn't gone in your stomach baby girl so it hasn't got the baby... but you got to promise to stick in there for me, for us.' She nodded as the tears built, the fear growing, the past reoccurring. Derek pushed on her side more, knowing Rossi didn't leave far he would be there in a couple of minutes and he prayed it wouldn't be too late, it couldn't be. 'You got to stay awake Pen... you can't close your eyes.' She nodded again but allowed the tears to fall more. 'I know it's scary, I know it hurts but you got to stay awake.' He pleaded and then had an idea, he needed to ramble. 'I was thinking if it's a little boy, naming it William Jay?' What do you think?'

'After your dad and mine?' She gasped quietly.

'Exactly and a little girl... the name you keep going on about... Grace... maybe Grace Hope... a little girl with the name Grace...eh goddess?'

'I love it.' She said and closed her eyes in pained filled blink, she opened and looked at him, determined to keep her eye contact with him, her sanity in those brown eyes looking back at her.

'It's a perfect name baby girl.' Derek agreed. 'Perfect for our little girl... it's a perfect name if we have a little boy too, William Jay... has a ring to it.' He continued not knowing if he was making sense of if he was saying anything valid and relevant.

'It's a girl.' She whispered out. 'I just know it is.'

'Pen?'

'I haven't dreamt about it.' She said lacing her voice with sarcasm. 'I just...I don't know... I... just feel it's a girl.'

'Well whatever... the child's ours!' Derek said as the door burst open and Rossi fled in.

'What the hell happened?' He said and panicked at the blood, and at the calmness of Derek.

'Foyet... he said he got Hotch.'

'Hotch...' Penelope said and let out a pain filled sob, not knowing how their boss was.

'Hey baby girl... don't worry about him.'

'Have you called an ambulance?' And as if they knew the flashing beacons of lights fled through the blinds and the sirens rang out. He left the room and Derek resumed his attention to his wife.

'Well for once you listened.' He joked difficultly and she smiled a small ghost of a smile. 'You just need to keep those eyes open.'

'Sir I need you to move.' Came a new male voice full of urgently. Derek leant down and kissed Penelope.

'Stick in there.' He then moved but didn't remove his hands from the gunshot wound until the EMT had a firm grip.

'How far pregnant is she?'

'33 weeks... she... she won't lose the baby will she?'

'I cannot make that type of judgement... although the life of your wife is much more significant than the baby's.'

'No!' Penelope said. 'Save the baby!'

'No! Pen... don't.' Derek said frantic. 'I can't do it alone.' He said as the calm washed away and the fear of losing his wife sunk in. Rossi put his hand on Derek's shoulder as Derek contemplated a future without a wife.

'Foyet ran from Hotch's when Hotch pulled his gun from his ankle strap.' Rossi said as the EMT's worked on Penelope, he didn't need to be asked but he needed to tell Derek. 'Your credentials were left behind; Hotch took a bullet to his shoulder.'

'Is he okay?'

'On his way to the hospital with Emily as we speak... JJ and Reid are going to meet us there.' They watched the EMT's get Penelope onto a stretcher, her eyes staying in prolonged bouts of blinks, the blood flow slowed, oxygen mask on, multiple IV's running. Derek looked at the floor, at the blood, at the destruction.

'This can wait Derek... I'll follow in the car, go with Penelope.' Rossi said and watched Derek leave the house despondently, the one man's entire life on the bare threads of life and death. He knew once he got to the hospital a whole load of waiting would commence and the good news might be delivered with or without the bad news.

----------------------------------------------------

**A/N:** So we are caught up with the season finale... my take on it in a weird way because of course this won't happen! M and G aren't together in reality :(

Shame! But I hope you're still enjoying!!!


	12. Pleadings

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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One gunshot wound, two victims and a man's complete entireties at tatters. That was all they could say as they watched Derek pace, sit, fidget, even his mom couldn't get him to see sense that Penelope would pull though. He hadn't cried but he was too calm and collected the shock evident on him now.

'I'm going to get word.' Emily said and stood, feeling Rossi latch on behind her. 'I'm scared.' She whispered as they walked down the hall to nurse's station. 'He's not going survive losing either of them.'

'Well he isn't going to lose either of them... you want to ask about Hotch or Pen?'

'Hotch... I'm scared to ask for either.'

'Do Hotch and I'll do the Penelope.' Emily nodded and they both asked the two nurses there before being made to wait while phone calls were made. When they were done they didn't cross reference they just headed back to share. Everyone looked expectantly at them.

'Hotch is out of surgery, he's fine, just some nerve damage to his shoulder but with physio he should be completely fine.'

'Penelope's holding strong... the nurse said that there's about another hour wait.'

'Did they not give any news on her? Like how she is?' Derek said leaving his frozen state temporarily before receiving a saddened shake of the head. They took to their seats before Hotch's name was called and they headed for a new waiting room, Rossi went into see the boss first and thought it was wise to take Derek with him.

Hotch looked at them, not knowing about Penelope. 'Hey.' He gasped, his top half with no gown on showing a large white bandage and EKG pads, an oxygen mask in his hand, he looked at them. 'I heard you got Foyet.'

'Yeah.' Derek chocked out.

'What's happened?' Hotch asked looking from Derek's saddened feature to Rossi.

'Penelope...' Derek started to say but his mind span with a million images and scenario's.

'Foyet shot Penelope before Morgan got the chance to shoot him.' Rossi finished, he saw Hotch pale furthermore, it almost unbelievable. 'She's still in surgery.'

'But she's alive... and the baby... Right?'

'We don't know about the baby... not much on Penelope either.' They watched Hotch tire, closing his eyes in a prolonged blink. 'Get some sleep Aaron... we're all here, so we'll keep you updated.' Derek didn't hang around he left silently and paced again, Rossi left but stood close by.

'Is he okay?'

'Yeah, pained... worried... he didn't need that kind of stress.'

'Well maybe not but we know he would penalise us all for not telling him, hurt or not.' JJ reasoned and they all knew he was right. None of them could help but watch Derek pace, as much as they wanted to step in and halt him, they knew he needed to do this, to occupy him from thinking of the worst.

When the doctor finally arrived Derek stopped and felt his legs weakened, scared of a collapse of the worst news of his life. 'Penelope Morgan?' The doctor asked to be swarmed by 6 people. 'Can I speak to Derek Morgan in private?'

'No.' Derek said. 'We're a family, we deal with this together.' He said firm and felt a hand grab his, he saw Emily latched on whilst the other stuck to his lip in a nervous subconscious action. 'Is she okay?'

The doctor respected the wished of the husband. 'I have a mix of news... Mrs Morgan pulled through the surgery but midst repairing the damage from the bullet and removing the bullet itself, he baby began to experience distress, now this was due to the amount of blood loss that had occurred, we had a team of obstetricians on hand whom began the process of a caesarean, the baby is fine, just up in the neonatal unit. We repaired all the damage, but the trauma of the gunshot wound and the delivery of the baby took its toll, I'm afraid Mrs Morgan slipped into a coma.'

'But she will wake up right? I mean she has to.' Derek said panicked. 'She just has to.'

'It is very likely she will regain consciousness but we have to take into account the mass amount of trauma and shock her body is experiencing.' The doctor reasoned. 'Because of where the bullet hit her, her lung suffered significantly so she has a chest drain in. I will also warn you that she isn't breathing on her own at the moment. It's a necessity that she gets the right oxygen levels to sustain efficient brain functioning.'

'But once the trauma begins to have a lessened effect on her body, then she should start to come round right?' Rossi asked.

'That is how we hope for it to work... we usually say 48 hours give or take... the next 24 hours are highly crucial to her, if she survives these then the signs are more promising.' He saw their understanding. 'I can allow 2-3 of you in at a time, if you'd like to see her.'

'Derek go... we'll send your mom down in a moment.' Derek nodded and followed the doctor only a short distance down the hallway and into a new room. The first thing he did was freeze, there lay his wife, still, silent, immobile, motionless, no independency exuding her now, she was completely dependent on the what the hospital had to offer her. Derek felt the doctor leave and a few tears made a track down his cheek as he approached the bed and grabbed Penelope's hand.

'Baby girl...' He started, from when she was shot the first time he knew full well that there was the possibility she could hear whilst in a coma. 'I need you to wake up; our baby needs for you to wake up.' He said and it hit him, he didn't know if he had a son or daughter, all he knew was that his wife, his best friend, his baby girl has given him a child. 'You heard me right goddess, our baby, needs its mommy, needs her to pull through so they can have a cuddle and experience the love we all have.' He gripped her hands a little tighter, as though hoping to evoke a reaction. 'I'm so sorry I didn't get there faster, that I didn't stop him from doing this, from making me stand here and plead with you to wake up. You should be at home, talking names, or cravings, or dates, and all the other stuff I love to talk to you about.' He felt his mom come in; he knew her presence too much. 'Come on P... I just need for you to wake up.'

Fran ran her hand over her sons bag whilst allow another hand to rest on Penelope's leg. 'Baby... I think you need to go and see your child.' Fran urged, she knew it might offer a light.

'Will you come with me?'

'I'll follow in a moment.' Fran said and watched her son kiss Penelope before he left the room completely heartbroken. She then turned her attention to the woman she called her own, called her daughter. 'Now what ever happened to the Penelope that kept my son on his toes?' She began. 'Penelope, you're life has officially began, you have a beautiful baby awaiting a mom to hug them and love them and want them. Your husband and child need for you to wake up so that life can continue and thrive. Plus I want more grandbabies and Derek won't give me them anyone other than you.' She kissed Penelope before heading out; she let the team know to go down before heading up the neonatal unit.

'Erm... baby Morgan?' She guessed as she spoke to the nurse.

'Relation?'

'I'm the grandmother; my son has just come up here.' The nurse acknowledged and smiled before leading her down yet another corridor and into a new room that consisted of three cots, she saw Derek peering in, one of his hands inside the incubator, the other on top, his face full of saddened awe. 'Derek?'

'She gave me a daughter mom... a little girl... she's so small.' Derek trailed off his eyes never leaving his baby daughter.

A nurse approached. 'Your daughter can be moved soon, this is just a precaution because of the distress she experienced whilst being delivered apart from that she is a perfectly healthy baby.' The nurse smiled encouragingly, she knew the story behind the delivery of the child in front her, she had to know after all. 'I'll be right back and then we will check this little one over and go from there.'

Fran drew neared her son and granddaughter and only know felt the tears gathered as she looked at the small child in the box, her finger wrapped tightly around the finger of her father, complete with perfection. 'She's beautiful.' She commented.

'She looks just like her mom.' Derek whispered sadly as he watched the baby come to life as her awareness of surroundings grew, only mere hours ago was she nestled comfortably in her mother's stomach, still awaiting those final 3 weeks to fully grow peacefully. 'She's just perfect.'

'Penelope will pull through this... we've just got to be strong for her.' Fran soothed motherly, she was trying her best whilst life hung in the balance. The nurse came back in and before Derek knew it he had his daughter in his arms wrapped in a pink blanket. 'A natural.' He heard his mom commented as she watched.

'You think Pen will be a natural?'

'I'm pretty certain she will be yes.'

'Mr Morgan, because everything seems fine, we can get a cot put in your wife's room and you can take your daughter down, it may help.' The nurse observed. 'I've seen it work several times on patients in indefinite coma's.'

'I'd like that.' Derek said and looked up. 'Can we do that please?'

'Of course... I'll call for a cot to be put down there but take your daughter; I'll come down to check on her every so often.'

'Thank you.'

'Its no problem at all.' The nurse said before urging him out of the room, the baby cocooned in his arms. Fran and Derek made the journey downstairs, they gathered looks as they went, people watching the baby, Derek ignored and headed straight for Penelope's room in the ICU, he saw Rossi and Emily in there.

'Guys can you see if we can have us all in here... I think our presence might help.' Emily and Dave looked at him, a new lease to him, a losing battle occurring though. 'You want to meet our daughter?' He asked and saw them hurry to him, and fall in love instantly. They then left and soon everyone gathered before taking breaks to switch between Penelope and Hotch, Derek never once letting go of his daughter, they all understood, their hugs would come later.

Derek sat next to the bed, he pulled up as close as he could get. 'Baby girl... I'd like you to meet our baby girl... you gave me daughter goddess, a little girl that has your nose, and your mouth and radiates with everything that makes you... she's our but at the moment she hasn't met her mommy, she needs to meet her mommy, you need to meet this little girl.' Derek finished as everyone came in and saw the exchange happening in front of them. They all gathered seats, the switching game began, Emily staying more to Hotch's room, Derek and Fran to Penelope's

It was when Fran, JJ and Reid were in the room that Derek stole his attention of his wife and daughter and took a wild guess and looked at the corner of the room. 'Do it baby girl... please.' He whispered and the heart monitor on the wall began to slow before stopping completely.


	13. Panic and Release

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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The second time around I realise I don't like this feeling one bit, not one bit at all... it actually quite sucks... to just float... I mean that's me in front of me... again but I can't be with me.

I swear this time around there's more tubes, more wires, more machines... I guess its to help the baby... BABY! Oh Christ! The baby... did it survive? Oh God please tell me the baby survived... I don't care if this is the end just let that baby survive.

Is it strange for me to say that 'I feel more in control in the me here and the me there?' I can feel things on the me in the bed, and I can move ever so slightly with the me here... hmmm... the corner again, is there something about corners and out of body experiences or something?

I think its strange how without a body of such my breath still manages to hitch when he comes into the room... he looks so broken, so saddened, and oops there it is the hand grasp, the strength of it... Penelope you can do this, you can wake up from this. Derek's pleading with you to wake up, so you have to it, you just have to!

_Our baby needs you_... whoa! I'm not pregnant... I missed out of the birth of our baby... how's that fair? But where is the baby? Why is he saying baby and not daughter or... or... son? _Needs it mommy... needs her to pull through_... I'm trying handsome I really am_... so they can have a cuddle and experience the love we all have_... oh God I'm crying... I don't get this whole soul malarkey... I have no body yet I'm crying... I just want to hold our child... hold my husband... let him tell me everything's going to be okay... so that I can tell him everything's going to be okay.

Would the world be so cruel as to tear me from the world as it were now? I have a family! My chance at a happily ever after and now... this... THIS happens.... Am I now pacing? Yes I do believe I am... frustrated soul is pacing in the corner... can this frustrated soul not get put in that frustrated... and hurt... body and let me feel my husband wrap his arms around me, let me feel my baby in my arms? Of course not! That's obviously far too easy!

Derek! Where are you going? Please don't leave me! I'm scared... and crying again... I am actually really scared, I've never felt like this but I actually don't want to die, I want to be around to see my child walk, talk, giggle, grow... why is it me that may have that opportunity stolen from me?

Now Fran's leaving, I can feel hers and Derek's kiss linger on my cheek, Derek's slightly more towards my mouth... oh... and now here's JJ and Reid... JJ's crying, Reid looks ready to bolt... all this over me! Then their gone, and Emily and Rossi come in... oh what I'd love to do to say this was a rancid joke.

I actually feel strange, like a pulsating fading feeling... how does that work out? A pulsating fading feeling... catching me off guard is what its doing... and watching them switch is giving me a head ache... exchange number 7 maybe this means that Hotch is okay, that they are seeing him because he is well ALIVE! They could be nice and at least spare the guys one of us if not both or would it be all 3 of us? Hotch, me and the baby?

Now that eerie silence settles, the one where no one talks, no one moves... why does that always happen? When in doubt... freeze!

_Guys can you see if we can have us all in here_... Derek! Pink Blanket! Does that mean we had a daughter? _You want to meet our daughter?_ I want to meet our daughter! I want to hold our daughter. I want to feel our daughter! I want to see our daughter! He's sitting close to me now, I can see a hand, a tiny hand, and a small face in amongst the wrapped around blanket, she has the perfect contrast of skin, a major middle point of mine and Derek's, and she's ours, mine and my best friend's. Derek name her... Grace Hope... like you said at the house... its perfect!

Erm... Am I noticeable? Derek's looking at me! Like straight at me... _Do it baby g__irl... please_... Do it? What die? You want me to die? He has got a point... so let's try it... there's the familiar pull, never thought I'd feel it again but it's then... and there's the monotone bleep... here goes everything!


	14. Graced with hope

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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Derek didn't know whether to cry, smile, panic, feel excitement, this was either a lose all win all situation. If this went wrong, his and Penelope's little girl would grow up motherless but if she survived then their little girl would grow up with unadulterated love from both parents.

'Sir I need you to leave the room.' The nurse said gently and it was then and only then that Derek's mind snapped into what he had just done, what was happening at that moment, after nearly 9 hours of waiting it was now crunch time. He looked around at everyone, wide eyed, terrified, he saw they didn't know what to say, he then looked down at his arms and saw the little girl as she slept, he had hardly put her down, he didn't want to, it was a link to Penelope, the only link he had.

Everyone paced around Derek as he sat in the corner, after a 30 minute succession of nurses flying in and out of the room, grabbing drugs and other hospital equipment the door finally opened and the doctor walked out solemnly.

Everyone stood and looked at him, trying to profile him the best they could. 'I'm really sorry to say that we couldn't revive Mrs Morgan.' Everyone broke at that time. 'We'll leave you for a bit.' He then left and Derek said nothing but went into the room leaving them as Emily and JJ hugged, Fran sunk into an emotional abyss and Hotch and Reid went down to Hotch.

'Pen... you can't die.' He said after putting the baby back down. 'I can't do it alone... I can't be a single parent to her... to Grace.' He smiled as he said the little name that felt right for them both. He released tears at that point. 'I can't be left on this world without you baby girl... you hear me, I can't.' He said his voice full of hurt; he grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly, still warm. 'I know you Pen... you need to fight... you need to come back to me, to all of us... to meet that little girl over there.' He looked at their daughter as she slept but broke when Penelope didn't move, she remained the same. 'Please.' He sobbed for the sixth time, his tears not going unnoticed, his breaking heart was clearly evident to everyone looking in, he gasped when he felt something. 'Baby.' He felt it again, 'Please!'

'Morgan... its time.' Rossi said knowing he needed to get Derek to let go.

'No!' Derek snapped at Rossi. 'This isn't over... Pen wouldn't leave us...' He said and then they all watched Penelope's back arch as she tried to catch a breath around the tube in her throat. Derek looked up as Rossi and JJ left the room, calling for help, his panic overload well and truly instilled now. 'Baby its me... you need to stay calm... the guys are just getting the doctor now.'

'Mr Morgan I need you step back.' Derek complied, he wanted his wife out of the world of discomfort she was experiencing, they watched the doctor work and talk to Penelope to calm her down before removing the tube whilst the nurse started the heart monitors up and Penelope's steady heart beat showed. The work around her was silent until the doctor and nurses stepped back. 'Can I have a word outside?' Everyone nodded and crossed the small distance out to the corridor. 'Well I don't know how this is possible... to be honest it shouldn't have been but Mrs Morgan is awake, we will do some tests to decide if there is brain damage and go from there... maybe one of you in there?' Everyone looked at Derek and he followed the doctor in.

He immediately took Penelope's hand and her eyes fluttered open and stared at him before smiling. 'The baby handsome?'

Derek looked at the doctor and smiled enormously, two crystal clear facts of her life just expressed. 'Mrs Morgan can you tell me your maiden name?'

'Penelope Garcia.'

'And your husband's name?'

'Derek Morgan.' She rasped and shut her eyes against the pain. She answered a round of questions ranging from her address, her hometown, her parents name, her age, her phone number, where she worked, all being confirmed by Derek.

'Okay so everything appears to be perfectly fine here.' The doctor said surprised, the brain starved of oxygen for the length Penelope had shouldn't function like it was. 'We'll give you some medication to make you more comfortable but for now you just need to rest.' He then filled in the chart, while a nurse injected Penelope with a new bout of drugs and put the oxygen mask on her to help with her breathing. All the time Derek beaming as one hand stayed at the top of the bed by Penelope's head and the other massaged the hand in his.

'Thank you baby girl.' He whispered gratefully.

He watched her smile tired again. 'The baby?' She asked pulling the mask off. 'Where is she?'

'She?' Derek asked and watched her motion to the corner. 'Again?' She swallowed hard and nodded. 'You heard me?'

'I heard it all.'

'Our daughter is perfect.' He said and moved around the bed, Penelope watching his moves as he picked the baby up and showed her to Penelope. 'Just like her mom.' He watched Penelope weakly touched the little girl and the baby respond to the touch by wrapping the fingers of her left hand around Penelope's hand and gripping it. 'She knows who her mommy is.' Derek watched in awe as Penelope touched the little girl and interacted with her as much as possible, he turned to see everyone behind him, hovering. 'Guys come in and see our miracle.' They heard Penelope laugh jadedly her attention on her daughter.

'I heard the new mommy woke up to meet her little girl.' The bubbling nurse that had been kind enough to Derek to allow him to bring their daughter down entered the room. 'Does mommy want a hug?'

'I do but how?' Penelope asked wearily, she was half laying down, half sitting up, she didn't know how this was going to work.

'Well I'll show you.' The nurse just took the little girl from Derek's embrace and unwrapped her gently before laying her on the middle of Penelope's chest, her head to the side, her hands flanked up by her head. 'Quickest way to bond.' She said commented. 'I'll come back in the morning but everything seems okay here.' She then left, leaving everyone smiling. The proof in front of them as they watched Penelope look at her daughter, counted her 10 fingers, breathed in the smell of the newborn.

'Have you decided a name?' Emily asked, knowing that the pairs daughter was nearly over 11 hours old.

'Grace Hope.' They both said in unison and smiled, a remembrance of Derek's rambling at the house and a culmination of whatever happened before Penelope flat lined. Whatever it was it was perfect, their daughter had graced their life with hope after all.


	15. Explains it all

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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By the next day everyone felt calmer in watching Penelope sleep, Hotch had slept most of the last 8 hours, now 10 o'clock in the morning only Derek and Emily remained at the hospital, Derek making his refusal to leave clearly evident, at no point was leaving Penelope, so he sat and watched her sleep, held his newborn daughter, and when awake watched Penelope with their little girl.

He was in a trance when he felt the hand in his squeeze lightly. 'Hey handsome... where's that gorgeous head of yours gone?'

'Sky high.' He whispered and leant forward. 'How you feeling baby girl?'

'Pretty pained... pretty good.' She said indecisively, and he knew she would be having to respond to the incision of the caesarean and the wound from the bullet, she had a double whammy. 'Hmm when was the mask changed?' She said as she realised she only had the simple tube propped in her nose and no mask.

'About an hour ago.'

'I slept through it?' She asked not remembering waking up.

'Yeah all they did was check your breathing quickly and changed it.' He smiled at her happier for the change around of the predicament. 'You want her?' Penelope nodded and smiled, literally yearning to hold her little girl close. Derek stood and scooped the little girl up before lying the little girl down on Penelope's chest like the nurse had done the day before.

'So this is what it feel likes to have a baby girl eh handsome?' Penelope quipped as she stroked her daughters back gently in comforting circles.

'It is indeed.' He mused as he continued to watch mother and daughter, soon though Penelope fell asleep and he couldn't help but watch as the pair slept together, the only things making it evident of the days before were the IV's on Penelope, the oxygen tube and the hospital gown, apart from that it showed a happy reunion.

'Now that is adorable.' Came Hotch's voice from the doorway.

'Hey man, shouldn't you be resting?'

'Well I heard a certain tech of ours was awake and loving the mommy life.'

'Well I think that explains it all.' Derek said as he put his eyes back on his family, he wanted to savour the moment, the bonding happening before his eyes. Hotch took a seat, this was the first time he had seen Penelope since just before the shooting.

'So how's she really doing?'

'She's tired, in pain, I think she's feeling a little overwhelmed that she missed it all, and missed being one of the firsts to meet Grace but she's dealing with it.'

'I can tell... that's a sight to behold that is.' Hotch commented, using the warmth of his large hand to help with the controlling of pain in his arm. 'Have they said anything about her injuries?'

'It caught her lung, that's why she's on oxygen, apart from that she's just going to be tender but she knows what to expect with that aspect I suppose and she's got to watch out for the incision from the caesarean.'

Hotch nodded. 'I'm sorry I didn't get him.'

'Hey, no time for guilt, our family is still here and that's all that matter.' Derek said happily. 'And I know that we'll keep them safe.'

'That will... so I hear you named her Grace.'

'Yeah we decided when we were waiting for the ambulance, if it was a little boy we were going with William Jay, but Grace Hope seemed to feel right, like the baby was a lead to hope.'

'She most definitely is and it seems she knows who her mommy is.' Hotch said as he watched the little girls hands grasped and played in sleep. He saw Penelope's chest lower as a deep breath was taken. 'Seems someone's waking up.'

Derek nodded and leaned in. 'Hey baby girl.'

'I fell asleep.' Was all she rasped out as she realised their daughter was still on her chest.

'You did and so did our daughter.'

'How you feeling Penelope?' Hotch said leaning closer.

'How about you first boss man?' She asked with a cocked eyebrow. 'I knew you were shot.'

'I'm doing okay... now I understand the pain you went and are going through from being shot.'

'Yeah don't remind me.' She quipped. 'Want a cuddle?'

'She seems comfortable there for the moment.' He smiled as he watched his 'niece' but he moved closer. 'So how you feeling?'

'Slightly foggy... I guess that has to do with whatever medication they have me on.' She looked at Hotch as his shifted from Penelope to Grace and back. 'Hold her hand.' He complied and smiled as the hand on his tightened its grip and released before repeating the process. 'It's love.'

Hotch couldn't help but laugh at Penelope, still unwell and she was still being her sarcastic self. 'Is there going to be anything to stop that mouth and mind of yours?'

'No chance.' Derek said first, he knew Penelope the most and he knew she would attempt to defend herself. 'It's what we all love about you goddess.'

'It's good to know... because I wasn't changing for no one.'

'We guessed.' Hotch said just staring at the baby.

'Boss man have a cuddle, you don't need two arms.'

'Here hotch, sit back, and I'll place her in your lap.' Derek said as he stood and took the baby gently off Penelope's chest, he then placed the little girl in his lap and stepped back.

'I want to know why you get pyjamas.'

'You'll get yours soon baby girl.'

'Mm is that promise.'

'It is sweetness... you just get some sleep.' Derek said as he noticed that Penelope was drifting off again, she just listened and remained asleep.

'You finally taught her to listen.'

'Only when she's under the influence.' Derek joked and sat back down just as everyone filtered in. 'And we get everyone.'

'Aw... uncle Aaron's getting a feel for the new addition.'

'Do we get ago?'

'Well... you know, I'm quite enjoying this so....'

'No hope.' Derek quipped and they all laughed and looked at Penelope as she slept. 'She's doing better today guys.' He answered their unasked question. 'Slept most of the morning with Grace.' He said with a smile. 'Then forced boss man there to have a hug... or a sort of hug.'

'The bonding process begins with the boss and the baby.' JJ said as she took a seat and sat next to Hotch whilst Emily sat the other side. 'She is adorable.'

'Much like Henry you mean?'

'I love him but he is the 2nd boy to be had in this family and I'm biased, unlike Grace here who is the oldest girl and my niece, my biased side has to grow.'

'Excuse me, Mr Hotchner; the doctor would like to see you, just to check the incision places and then you can come back.' A petit young nurse said from the doorway obviously feeling uncomfortable for interrupting the large gang gathered.

'Right you two take Grace and have your bonding time.'

'I'll come back with you.' Emily said as JJ picked the baby girl up and Emily helped Hotch stand up before letting him take the lead and following him out of the room.

Later that night, Fran, Derek and Rossi were gathered in Penelope's room, while JJ went home to sort out Henry and Reid and Emily stuck with Hotch. Penelope had long since asked to sit up slightly, feeling completely useless for laying down straight. Grace had long since fallen asleep in Fran's arms and was now asleep in the crib next to Penelope's bed.

'When do I get out?'

'In about 4 days.' Penelope groaned at the thought. 'We aren't taking Grace home so she'll be here to occupy you goddess.'

'Well maybe but this place, it... I don't know... unnerves me slightly.'

'We get that, but I'm always going to be here.' He saw her face darken and a frown gather. 'Don't argue with me Mrs Morgan! I refuse to leave so you will not win.' Rossi and Fran tried to suppress laughter.

'What about resting or showering?'

'I'll leave my mom here to stick around but I'll be right back and as for resting I'll rest more with you both near me.'

'Penelope dear don't argue with him, it won't work, we couldn't get him to leave the other day it's certain as hell isn't going to work miraculously now.'

'I leave when you leave.' Derek said determined.

'Which is in 4 days.' Penelope said pretty certain she wouldn't be there by day 5. 'Then life begins.'

'I thought life begun at 40?' Rossi said contemplatively, yet his voice slick with sarcasm.

'That's what you think David Rossi.' Fran said happily. 'Life actually begins at marriage.'

'Oh... that's where I've gone wrong.'

'No... Your life begins with your niece and two nephews.' Penelope said happy to make people part of their unconventional family, after all the BAU were her family and it was just how she liked it so that was how it remained. Those who had been there for her and Hotch were their family, not those that stayed away with no real excuse. Now family was going to get new additions and new experiences. Penelope forgot all about visions and dreams, she had other things, or people, to occupy her mind and that was how she hoped it stayed. Nothing had happened yet and she hoped it stayed that way, hoping her second 'out of body' experience or near brush with death retracted the 'power' feed of whatever she was on to see things of the imminent future.


	16. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

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**Nearly One Year Later**

'Can you believe she's a year old?' Penelope literally gushed as she watch Emily and JJ help Grace to walk slightly.

'I can't believe it no, she's going to grow up to know that her mommy is a miracle.'

'Hardly.' Penelope snorted at Derek.

'Well you're mine... if you weren't that little girl wouldn't have both parents.'

'I have too much to live for handsome.'

'It's good to hear it Penelope.' Hotch said sitting down. 'I would've personally come into that after life and kicked your arse if you had died on us... especially on her.' He said with a smile as he watched the little girl interact with Emily, JJ. Henry and now Reid.

'I hear the afterlife's big, hug even; I'd like to see you find me.' The two men laughed.

'Gracie wants mommy.' Emily said as she picked up the little girl, she plonked her on Penelope's lap who happily kissed the girl. Emily smiled and flopped on Hotch's lap. 'You know I'm rather thankfully neither of you died.'

'Boss man has too much to live for as well.' Penelope quipped with a quick wink as she then proceeded with the tickling of Grace who giggled loudly in pleasure.

Everyone looked at Penelope as she interacted with the little girl that was as much a miracle as Penelope surviving like she did was. Even though a year had almost commenced, it was a year where Penelope was not haunted by visions or dreams of imminent hurt for any of them. She no longer saw or heard the things she didn't want to see or hear, she lived like she did before Battle entered her life. Her life was perfect, even if she had been threatened to never go down the death route again, mostly by her husband but by all of them. Even thought death changes everything, it also can change everything back, as it were in Penelope's case.

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_**The End!**_

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_**A/N:**_ I know it's ended! I just didn't want to take away from the whole 'what the heck' factor of season 4 and the finale!

And the muse is a pain!

So I rounded it up, ended, done, finished, completed! I just hope you liked it!

Thanks to everyone that read, story alerted and mostly to those that reviewed! =)


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